Monday, September 1, 2008

NERVOUS

When I look back, I have had many reasons to be nervous and was in my lifetime....first few dates with Shane, performing at half time, job interviews, presenting to large audiences, getting married, going in to have babies, etc...but nothing has made me as sick to stomach and nervous as tomorrow.


Tomorrow is Claire's first day of preschool.


Tomorrow is Claire's first time to ever be away from "her people".


I think I am going to throw up...(she told me the same thing =)).


Enough with the drama =). I am really really nervous about taking Claire to school tomorrow. She has never done well away from us, she has never had to be. But we are at the eve of kindergarten and we have no choice. We have talked it up as well as been completely straight with her in the fact that we are going to leave and she has to go. No matter how big of fit, she has to go. Nausea again.

She has had a few episodes over the last few weeks that I told myself I would not blog about, but I feel like I am keeping something =).

She and I had a long talk about school last weekend and she seemed okay. She asked to go upstairs to watch TV in her room. A few minutes later, I heard her crying in her room, found her under the covers, in a ball, crying her sweet eyes out. After much begging from me and her telling me "I can't tell you", I finally got her to tell me what was wrong..."I don't want to go to school, it scares me, and I cry all the time about this".

Knife in heart.

Then when I told her "You will be fine, mama and daddy would not leave you somewhere that was not safe. You know what to do when you are scared...you take a deep breath and you pray..", she interrupts with "I want you to watch over me and take care of me, I don't need Jesus!".

Turn knife.

Then of course, I start tearing up. Then she says "Mama don't cry, that makes me cry harder"

Another turn.

Then she says, while wiping her eyes "I was just teasing Mama, I will go to school, please don't cry". I love this child!

So since then, she has been pretty good about it, but this weekend she has been a nervous wreck. Friday, we spent the day school shopping, of course I am school shopping for just 2 days a week =). She was excited, but I could tell, nervous.

Then we had a crazy weekend getting Oscar and everyone in town, so I tried to lay off and not bring it up much, but she does not want to talk about it. So, today, just the two of us girls went shopping and to lunch. She wanted to pick out a new dress for tomorrow and then we had to get her school supplies. She told me over lunch (Chinese that she requested because she wanted to use "sticks"), that she would be okay, "but it makes her shaky and her stomach hurt when she thinks about school". We discussed a good prayer for her when she is scared and I bought her a watch and we marked the time when she would know we would be there to pick her up.

So PLEASE say a quick prayer for sweet Claire and that she does okay tomorrow. We know that once she goes to school, she is going to LOVE it!! We just have to get over this small hump and all will be well. Wow, that was some post, but I feel better to know that there are many of my favorite readers that will pray hard for her...and that is all we need right now!!

So to the not so much dramatic, fun stuff...we have bought her tons of clothes and that was fun!! Also, today we bought school supplies (one of my favorite things) and that was fun. I was mad though, because Wal-Mart was out of all the cool stuff and we had to search for some good things. I could not find a cool school box, so she and I "blinged out" this one below and she LOVES it!!

So off to bed early, prayers done, lunch box is packed, clothes laid out, and hair in rollers for a "fabulous do" tomorrow=)! Such a big girl now!
Here are the other babies...=)The very rare picture of them together, Owen doesn't want his sister to leave him alone for half the day tomorrow..."Who else can I torment besides the two chubby dogs??"Stay tuned for our first day of school pics tomorrow!!!






8 comments:

Dallas said...

Maybe you will read this before tomorrow morning...when I taught kindergarten, I had many kids who were sad to leave behind their parents. One mom gave her little girl a heart shaped rock. The little girl kept it in her pocket and whenever she missed her mom, she would put her hand in her pocket and feel the rock and know that her mom was thinking about her too...because the mom also had a heart shaped rock with her. Obvioulsy, it doesn't have to be a heart shaped rock, any old thing will do. Maybe you and Claire have something special, just between the two of you.

I will say a prayer tomorrow morning for you all! She will do great...eventually! You are a good mama to be getting her prepared for kindergarten!

Amy (Metz) Walker said...

Oh my gosh, that is breaking my heart!!! I'll be thinking about you both tomorrow!

Tara Caire said...

what a little sweetie she is! I felt that knife turning too!! Claire will do great! I will say a prayer for both of you! Call me after you drop her off!!!

Carolyn said...

Awe she is such a doll in her curlers the night before starting school! You must be so proud! I have to admit, I am really looking forward to seeing how adorable she looked on her first day!!!

Maggie said...

Oh Rachel, my heart breaks for you both! Natalie just started Kindergarten this year, so I totally understand what you're going through!

She will do great, but I'll say a prayer for you guys, that she gets in there and has a great time!!

Amy (Metz) Walker said...

How are you holding up now that she's actually there?! Thinkin of you, girl!

jenn73182 said...

ok, so tara told me about this blog last night and that made me have to come read it! i cried when i read it!! sooooo sweet! im so glad all went well for claire's first day of school!! =)

jenn73182 said...

btw, "jenn73182" is jennifer tschepikow! haha