Do these earrings make me look fat?!

We all know I am not afraid of being real on this blog.  If you didn't know, go here, here or even here.   Today may be the most real I have been in awhile or really ever. Will I regret this later? Maybe.  Do I think the Lord is pushing me to write this.  Yep.

Hi, my name is Rachel Lynn Brown and I am a size 14 and happy.  Not lying.  Not in denial.  I am happy with myself and feel blessed with this curvier body the Lord gave me.  Wish I would lose some lbs?  You betcha!  Does my life revolve around that fact? Absolutely not!  How did I get to this point of peace inside ME?...let's talk.

I have struggled with my weight since I had Claire.  I would go up and down with each pregnancy.  I would lose weight and then gain it right back.  I have always come back to this size right now.   I have been depressed about my weight in years before.  I have been completely obsessed with dieting and working out in years past.  It was a never ending cycle that was absolutely tiring.  It has taken over my life before.  The insecurity in my physical appearance was a demon and really a false idol in my life.  About 6 months ago, I decided I was going to make some changes.  The decision was not to make changes to my physical appearance, but to change me on the inside and fight this demon.  I am a strong mother of three children, a wife to an incredible man and a servant to loving Lord, I was NOT going to let this ridiculous insecurity get in the way of what was most important to me.

So many of us feel this way and struggle inside.  Insecurities are the evil one making us non believers.  Have you read the Beth Moore book  "So Long Insecurity, You Were a Bad Friend to Us"?  This book alone started the "Inner Beauty Revolution" inside me :).  If you have not read it, you should.  When we feel insecure in ourselves, we are not trusting God with what He gave us.  Think about it.  He made us who and what we are.  We do make our own decisions along the way, but He made us beautiful in our own ways and in His eyes.  Who are we to question that or allow it hurt us?

So back to me. I had to ask myself a very important question:

"Why do I want to lose weight?"

I asked myself this question and realized that was my problem.  I was not losing weight for myself. It was for everyone else.  I was losing weight so others would see me as a skinny girl and think better of me.  Hopefully they would think I was prettier and I would fit in with the skinny girls.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!!  This really pissed me off. 

I HATE insecurities.  I HATE when we get so wrapped up in what others think of us and I was doing that very thing.   Why is okay to be so vain???? I knew right then, the boat had to stop and I had to do some work on ME.

Since that revealing moment, I have never been happier.  I started really praying specifically about this situation and asked the Lord to open my eyes to what HE sees is beautiful in me and change me to see the same things.  As well, remove these insecurities and give me strength to be a better example to other women.  I am BIG believer that any person can start a revolution when they allow God to lead.  He does not want us to be vain and wrapped up in ourselves, but in Him.  He will then show us our beauty.  Do I still watch what I eat?  ABSOLUTELY.  Do I work out regularly?  YES!  Does my life revolve around these two things? NO, and NEVER AGAIN, will allow them to.

So why am I writing this?  I want everyone else that worries about their weight and physical appearance to feel this same way.  Do I still have bad days? Yes.  Do I sometimes try things on and want to throw a fit because I can't wear it?  Yes.  These are the days I pray harder and...wear more jewelry :).  You have to make serious changes in how you look at yourself in the mirror.  PRAY that you feel better.  PRAY for your insecurities to go away.  PRAY that your eyes are opened up to how beautiful you really are. 

The Lord will help you. Trust me.  You just have to ask.

Now, I also have some helpful hints and tips to in how I dress and make myself feel better.  I get comments and emails asking where I shop and about my style (thanks yall, you can can make my chubby cheeks blush :))  So, here is this curvy girl's tips to looking fabulous ;)...

1. WEAR YOUR SIZE!  Geez Louise yall.  This one is huge!!  I know my size.  I can order a 14 online and 9 times out of 10 it fits.  I know that is comfortable and flattering for me.  If I really wanted to, I could squeeze into a 10.  I look like a size 20 when I squeeze into a 10.   The only reason I would do that would be to say or know that I am in a 10.  Ridiculous!  Size is just a number.  When you wear the right size, you look thinner.  Not only that, you will be more comfortable and not feel fat. 

2.  KNOW WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU!  I know what styles look best on me.  My stomach is my trouble area (thank you Bree Leighton and that lovely C-section :)).  I don't wear anything that is tight on my tummy.  When I find something that I like how it fits, I buy almost every color :).  Try things on, play with your shape.  I think everyone would be surprised to know what really looks best on them.  I am lucky enough to have my own personal stylist, Tara...errrrrrr ok sister :), that challenges me all the time to try new things.  She is usually right and I have to credit her to almost all my dresses and looking good for events.

3. ACCESSORIZE!! I am the queen of accessories.  I have more necklaces than one woman should.  I wear many accessories every day.  I love my big rings and earrings, scarves, belts, and flowers.  I don't do alot of bracelets because Bree is always taking them off me and I never see them again, but I do love them.  Here is my go to outfit (everyday for work or on the weekends): solid long or short dress, necklaces (usually a couple layered), big hoop earrings, and a big ring.  I know this looks good on me and I feel beautiful in these things. If you see a pretty necklace, get it! I buy cheap and expensive jewelry. I buy more things on sale than not.  If I see a necklace that I know will make any outfit, there is no stopping me :).  I buy F21 big hoop earrings probably more than I buy bread :). 

4. ALL ABOUT THE BAG AND SHOES!  In addition to my jewelry, I always have a good bag and shoes.  I may have on a $16 maxi dress from Walmart, but I am carrying a Louis Vuitton bag (for the record - that was a VERY gracious gift from my father and yes, I am spoiled rotten).  I LOVE expensive bags.  That is my weakness.  I have every one I have ever bought (or received :)) and I collect them like art :).  A good bag can make you walk with an extra spring in your step. It does not have to be an expensive one, just one you LOVE.  Take the time and pick a good one out for you.  Trust me, if you have a bag you are proud of, when you are out shopping for pretty necklaces, you will have more fun.  Just saying, it's a fact :).  Shoes are sooooooo important.  I have MANY shoes too...but almost every pair is comfortable.  I am mother to three, I do NOT have time to be limping around in some stupid pair of uncomfortable shoes.  When I am wearing my "uniform" I referenced earlier, I try to always wear a fun pair of shoes to complete the outfit.  I also, only buy shoes on sale.  There is ALWAYS a shoe sale. 

5.  SMILE!  I learned this from Shane.  When I am trying things on and ask his opinion, he always says "Smile, and it will look good" :).  When you have found your style, you will feel better and you will smile more.  There is nothing more beautiful than a confident, smiling woman.  When I am in a situation where I am feeling insecure and feel myself sinking in, I have a specific challenge. I challenge myself to get up, get in the middle of whatever conversation and SMILE.  It works like a charm every single time.  Trust me, when you are smiling and enjoying conversation, NO ONE is looking at your arm fat.

My favorite places to shop are New York and Company, TJ Maxx, Dillards, and Riff Raff (local store here, go like them on fb and you can shop from there, GENIUS! ).  Now I ALWAYS peruse Walmart and Target when I am doing other shopping to make sure they don't have any good staples I need.  I buy jewelry everywhere. If I see it, I buy it.

These things work for me.  I do have to say, my best accessories are my hot husband and three darling kiddos :).  I owe it to them to feel beautiful and confident.  I have two little girls that listen to my every word.  I want them to know always that they are beautiful just the way God made them!  I believe it all starts with a strong mother in their life telling them everyday and feeling the same way herself.  This is not being vain, this is being beautiful on the inside and it shining on the outside!

Now, I would love to lose weight and hopefully I will.  Diabetes runs rapid in my family and I have to watch my health.  But I am going to do this the right way and live a lifestyle that will enable me to lose weight slowly and the healthy way.  IT IS NOT GOING TO RULE MY LIFE!

Yall are beautiful women, round, thin, short, tall and everything in between.  Be proud of who you are and smile!! The Lord is smiling when He sees you, smile back!!

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30