Good Morning and Happy March!!! Can you believe it is already March 1st??!! I can't, but I welcome it with open arms!! Today, on March 1st, 2010, I feel refreshed and ready for 2010!! Now, I know that we have been in 2010 for 2 months now, but I have to tell you that it has not been "the new year" for me yet. The past 5 months have been some of the most stressful times in my life. I am not going to go in a lot of details, but I have had to come to grips with a few things in my life, and not take control, but hand it over to my Lord. It is INSANE how we as Christians can just let things spiral out of control by trying to take care of everything by ourselves (knowing we CANT!!!) when we have a Lord and Savior that wants us to give it to Him. Not only will He take it, but He will make it better and give us the security we need to survive!! He is our only security in life. We had the privilege of listening to the most amazing sermon yesterday morning (well, I listened from the nursing room, calming a wild Bree =))!! One thing the pastor said in it that will resonate with me for the rest of my life "The reason people care about what others think is that they have stepped away from their only security in life, the Bible! When one does not have the Bible, they become insecure and need other's approval!". Wow!!!! I am serious when I say that has played in my head since the moment I heard it!!! I try so hard to be everything!! I try to be the perfect Mom and wife with three perfect kids, and have the perfect house...I try to control everything from our finances to our social calendar...and then I try to be every one's best friend. On top of everything, hold a full time job and try to on stay on top of my game there. The truth is, I am never a perfect Mom and wife, I am still learning! My house is very rarely clean, the laundry is always above my head...I spend too much money =)...and I have had to learn sooooo much about being a true friend and who my true friends really are. I have been so unorganized lately, that I am ashamed!!! The thing is, I do this so that EVERYONE else can see that I "have it all together" when I really never do!! WHO DOES!!!?? Why do we feel the need to put on this facade and not be real with ourselves and face reality that we cannot do it on our own??!! I mean seriously, if we were all honest with each other and ourselves, we would realize that we are all in the same boat and see that it is all unnecessary stress in our lives. In the end, it does not matter AT ALL what others thought of our lives and how we led them, all that matters is that HE knows our hearts and how we really lived, for Him or not. Back in Miami, for the entertainment during dinner one night, they had a handwriting reader come in and read all of our hand writing (Maggie - if I had your cell, we would have been talking =)). Everyone was getting it done and some were even coming back upset. The reader told things like "You have mom issues, your mother was not a good influence in your life" or "You are not happy in your life and need changes". It was intense and I remember feeling so nervous to have mine done and I DID NOT want him to tell me my insecurities/issues. I finally did it and he told me that I was a very organized person. I laughed and he said "You have the ability to be very organized, that does not mean you practice it." That made me mad at myself. Then he told me "You have something that I have not seen in this group yet and I do not see often...You are very real, what people see is what they get". He went on to say "You do not lie to others, but you lie to yourself." I am real with people, just not myself. I believe the Lord put the night in front of me to jump start the changes I needed to make!!!
So today, March 1st, I, Rachel Brown, am starting my 2010 changes, a fresh start!!! I have made some major changes that have already lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I ask for your prayers as I venture in this new chapter in my life. I need prayers of patience more than anything!!! In order to step back into the Bible and gain my security, I am beginning to read the Bible in one year today. I am so excited about it. Luckily, we have been attending a church that has an awesome Ladies Bible Study program as well as Connection Groups that we really enjoy.
To say that I love my life, is an understatement!!! I love Shane, Claire, Owen and Bree so much it hurts!!!!! Shane has been my rock and I have never loved him so much. I did not even think that was possible!! He has supported me lately and stood by my side during moments that I needed him so much!! I have said it numerous times on this blog, but the Lord knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he placed him and his amazing family in my life 13 years ago!! Claire Brown is my little inspiration everyday!! Knowing she is growing so fast and watching my every move, has been my drive to change things and be the example I know I need to be with her!! She blows me and Shane away every day with how smart she is and her kind heart (and her stubbornness too =))! Owen is the sweetest little boy in the entire world!!!!! He warms my heart everyday when he smiles, climbs in my lap, dances to the TV, etc. He is growing up so fast and it kills me that he is not so little anymore. Owen will always be my baby boy!!! Then sweet Bree!!!! She is my baby and I want her to stay this way forever!!! Her chubby cheeks and smile make all worries go away. When I am having a moment, the Lord puts her in front of me and reminds me how He took care of her in my womb and brought her to us safe and sound!! She is my true testament of faith!!! Fortunately, our lives are a little different than others, we have some of our best friends in our family!! All my family have been so supportive to our family, I could not thank them enough!! My mom is my go-to on everything!! She has led me through some really tough situations lately that I would not have been able to survive without her!! She has taught me the life lessons of taking the high road and putting my faith in the Lord and that He will take care of what I thought I could. My sisters (you too Brooke) have always been there for me through thick and thin!!! We are so close and I could not imagine life without them. Lately, we have been tested, and we stuck together, listened to Mom =), and grew even closer. Then there are my bucket fillers ;), my favorite girls!!! Amy, Amanda, Jessica, my TN friend Christie, and my OK friend Erin, I love you girls!!! Yall have showed true class to me and helped me become a better friend!! Yall are truly some of the best things to ever happen to me and I thank the Lord for yall too!!!!!
This verse was on my FB home page today:
So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. - Isaiah 30:18
I challenge you to take His help, love and compassion! We have so much to live for, why not do it for Him as He gave it all to us!!??
Claire this morning before school - It is Dr Seuss week and today was Crazy Hat day...she does not have any crazier hats....I think she just saw an excuse to wear cowboy boots =)!
Sweet Bree Leighton!!!Handsome O Brown!Me and My Shane this weekend a the Kiss a Pig Gala :)!