Monday, March 1, 2010

March is the new January!

Good Morning and Happy March!!! Can you believe it is already March 1st??!! I can't, but I welcome it with open arms!! Today, on March 1st, 2010, I feel refreshed and ready for 2010!! Now, I know that we have been in 2010 for 2 months now, but I have to tell you that it has not been "the new year" for me yet. The past 5 months have been some of the most stressful times in my life. I am not going to go in a lot of details, but I have had to come to grips with a few things in my life, and not take control, but hand it over to my Lord. It is INSANE how we as Christians can just let things spiral out of control by trying to take care of everything by ourselves (knowing we CANT!!!) when we have a Lord and Savior that wants us to give it to Him. Not only will He take it, but He will make it better and give us the security we need to survive!! He is our only security in life. We had the privilege of listening to the most amazing sermon yesterday morning (well, I listened from the nursing room, calming a wild Bree =))!! One thing the pastor said in it that will resonate with me for the rest of my life "The reason people care about what others think is that they have stepped away from their only security in life, the Bible! When one does not have the Bible, they become insecure and need other's approval!". Wow!!!! I am serious when I say that has played in my head since the moment I heard it!!! I try so hard to be everything!! I try to be the perfect Mom and wife with three perfect kids, and have the perfect house...I try to control everything from our finances to our social calendar...and then I try to be every one's best friend. On top of everything, hold a full time job and try to on stay on top of my game there. The truth is, I am never a perfect Mom and wife, I am still learning! My house is very rarely clean, the laundry is always above my head...I spend too much money =)...and I have had to learn sooooo much about being a true friend and who my true friends really are. I have been so unorganized lately, that I am ashamed!!! The thing is, I do this so that EVERYONE else can see that I "have it all together" when I really never do!! WHO DOES!!!?? Why do we feel the need to put on this facade and not be real with ourselves and face reality that we cannot do it on our own??!! I mean seriously, if we were all honest with each other and ourselves, we would realize that we are all in the same boat and see that it is all unnecessary stress in our lives. In the end, it does not matter AT ALL what others thought of our lives and how we led them, all that matters is that HE knows our hearts and how we really lived, for Him or not. Back in Miami, for the entertainment during dinner one night, they had a handwriting reader come in and read all of our hand writing (Maggie - if I had your cell, we would have been talking =)). Everyone was getting it done and some were even coming back upset. The reader told things like "You have mom issues, your mother was not a good influence in your life" or "You are not happy in your life and need changes". It was intense and I remember feeling so nervous to have mine done and I DID NOT want him to tell me my insecurities/issues. I finally did it and he told me that I was a very organized person. I laughed and he said "You have the ability to be very organized, that does not mean you practice it." That made me mad at myself. Then he told me "You have something that I have not seen in this group yet and I do not see often...You are very real, what people see is what they get". He went on to say "You do not lie to others, but you lie to yourself." I am real with people, just not myself. I believe the Lord put the night in front of me to jump start the changes I needed to make!!!

So today, March 1st, I, Rachel Brown, am starting my 2010 changes, a fresh start!!! I have made some major changes that have already lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I ask for your prayers as I venture in this new chapter in my life. I need prayers of patience more than anything!!! In order to step back into the Bible and gain my security, I am beginning to read the Bible in one year today. I am so excited about it. Luckily, we have been attending a church that has an awesome Ladies Bible Study program as well as Connection Groups that we really enjoy.

To say that I love my life, is an understatement!!! I love Shane, Claire, Owen and Bree so much it hurts!!!!! Shane has been my rock and I have never loved him so much. I did not even think that was possible!! He has supported me lately and stood by my side during moments that I needed him so much!! I have said it numerous times on this blog, but the Lord knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he placed him and his amazing family in my life 13 years ago!! Claire Brown is my little inspiration everyday!! Knowing she is growing so fast and watching my every move, has been my drive to change things and be the example I know I need to be with her!! She blows me and Shane away every day with how smart she is and her kind heart (and her stubbornness too =))! Owen is the sweetest little boy in the entire world!!!!! He warms my heart everyday when he smiles, climbs in my lap, dances to the TV, etc. He is growing up so fast and it kills me that he is not so little anymore. Owen will always be my baby boy!!! Then sweet Bree!!!! She is my baby and I want her to stay this way forever!!! Her chubby cheeks and smile make all worries go away. When I am having a moment, the Lord puts her in front of me and reminds me how He took care of her in my womb and brought her to us safe and sound!! She is my true testament of faith!!! Fortunately, our lives are a little different than others, we have some of our best friends in our family!! All my family have been so supportive to our family, I could not thank them enough!! My mom is my go-to on everything!! She has led me through some really tough situations lately that I would not have been able to survive without her!! She has taught me the life lessons of taking the high road and putting my faith in the Lord and that He will take care of what I thought I could. My sisters (you too Brooke) have always been there for me through thick and thin!!! We are so close and I could not imagine life without them. Lately, we have been tested, and we stuck together, listened to Mom =), and grew even closer. Then there are my bucket fillers ;), my favorite girls!!! Amy, Amanda, Jessica, my TN friend Christie, and my OK friend Erin, I love you girls!!! Yall have showed true class to me and helped me become a better friend!! Yall are truly some of the best things to ever happen to me and I thank the Lord for yall too!!!!!
This verse was on my FB home page today:
So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. - Isaiah 30:18

I challenge you to take His help, love and compassion! We have so much to live for, why not do it for Him as He gave it all to us!!??
Claire this morning before school - It is Dr Seuss week and today was Crazy Hat day...she does not have any crazier hats....I think she just saw an excuse to wear cowboy boots =)!

Sweet Bree Leighton!!!Handsome O Brown!Me and My Shane this weekend a the Kiss a Pig Gala :)!


AmyT said...

Well said....I know exactly what you are saying - thank you for sharing!!! It is so hard not to do things ourselves, I know I have a hard time at it - and to do things in God's timing....I am such an impatient person. It's not all about us though - it's easy to forget sometimes. I'll be praying for you and your family!!

Tara Gibson said...

ok this made me cry : ) Love you too sis and I will pray that this new journey will be the best one yet for you!

Suz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
writing4612 said...

Yep, my Apostle says the same thing. When you don't rely on God's grace and try to do things in your own human ability, you are headed for trouble. When I realized as a teenager, that I could not please everyone, it was so freeing to me. The only one I should ever aim to please is God because He is the only one who matters anyway!

I don't know if you got my comment a few weeks ago, but I really want to feature you in my weekly Writer's Alcove post. It's just a fun thing that I do to get to know the bloggers that I like as well as let my readers get to know them. I can't ever find your email on here(It never lets me view your google profile with your about me section and email), so if you're interested, I'll send you the questions.

My email is

Walking With The Wheats said...

I have read your blog a lot! Ha, I love it :) But I have to say that this has been my favorite post. I feel this way alot but I never have the "jump start" to do it, but I think you just did it for me. Thanks for giving me the motivation to change some things in my life!

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

Praying for you and your new journey!

In this wonderful life... said...

what a BEAUTIFUL post!! I will be praying for you and your changes :)


Becky said...

Rachel Brown, you are everything I hoped Shane would find as a wife and I am so proud of you and the journey you are on to deepen your relationship with the Lord, to turn things over to Him and let Him guide you. Girl, there are women my age who still have not learned they do not have to be perfect - you are maturing before your time. Congratulations on your new square in life - it will be one to bring a wonderful loving peace to you and the rest of your family. My hat is off to Kim Herman! She did a fabulous job raising you sweetie. Love you.

Maggie said...

God bless you, Rachel! Isn't is awesome when He shows you everything you need to know the moment you need to know it, and how everything else just stops, and you instantly find clarity, peace, determination & when there was none, and your path becomes visible in a whole new light - you submit to Him and let Him lead. There is no other feeling like it in the world. I'm so proud of you!!

You know, on the whole finance thing... I don't know if you've ever read Dave Ramsey, but he's got some pretty powerful stuff out there, and it's all Christian based. I would definitely recommend it if you have any debt at all. Jeramy and I started his Debt Snowball plan last year, and we are slowing becoming debt free again. I say again, because when I was a single mom, I became really convicted about tithing - there was a time when I didn't. Once I began giving the Lord what was already His, the blessings just poured out!! I was debt free and a home owner by the time I met Jeramy - all being a single mother too, as you know. There is NOTHING He can't do. I could not have done any of that without Him. Of course, I have stumbled along the way; everyone does. We are human and full of imperfection. But, I can honestly say, when I tithe, I have no financial issues, and when I don't, I make a terrible mess of things. 'God money' is an amazing thing!! This post really reminded me of those times in my life.

Like you said, when we try and take care of everything, we fail, but when we let Him lead, everything becomes clear. Our lives are less chaotic, less stressful, filled with less worry and guilt, and we know we are living according to His will. We can do anything through Him!!

Proud of you girl!!!

PS That is so funny about the handwriting thing... I haven't done that in ages, but all those things you mentioned are definitely pieces in the personality that show up in your handwriting. Wish you would have had my cell!!! =)

Christie Huggins said...

Girl you made me tear up! Ugh. You are so stink'n real and sweet! I love it! And, not that I don't want your life perfect, but I had a melt down this weekend crying and crying about how a wreck our life is right now....and all I can do is watch the fun lives of others through the window of the internet. So, to see this makes me know I'm not alone. Kyle told me I am my own worst enemy, and I am. I am such a headcase sometimes. I just can't wait for the late summer. I feel like our life with kids can finally really begin and we'll FINALLY get some relief from all the stress. My life isn't perfect, but who's is???? Perfect means without flaw...I could drive myself crazy trying to reach that goal. Life has good/smooth/easy times, sure, but it's in the tough and stressful times that we really grow and mature. I saw a quote the other day that I loved...."Tough times don't last, but tough people do!" Keep having a great time in your life, even if the house is wreck and the laundry is piled high. We're never promised tomorrow! I have learned a LOT from your post today. Thank you so much!!!

Christie Huggins said...

well, I left a long comment and it didn't post. let me try this again. you made me tear up and miss you even more!! thank you for your post. you helped me and you didn't even know it. i have had the hardest time lately because my life is so far from perfect....i feel so lost in our problems sometimes and feel like no one really cares....I am so far from the plan i had in my head for life and far from fun too much of the time. so, though I don't want your life not to be perfect, but so glad I'm not alone. look at it this way, your life is going so much smoother than so thankful for that. i can't wait for late summer to get here and then then holidays...i feel like that's when our life with kids really gets to start. so far, we've been in somewhat of a hospital waiting room....waiting and waiting, and waiting some more. most of the time I chin up, but lately I have been more down that I think I ever have been. my rental is a piece of crap...I can't get the new house to work out....we're bored out of our minds stuck in the house all day....kyle works late all the time so I get no adult interaction other than FB and blogging. I have had a big Christie pity party for about a month now. kyle says i am my own worst enemy, and that is so true. perfection...i want it so badly...and the more I want it, the farther it gets from me. you would think after all that we've been through the past 3 years I would have learned who to lean on and what to really care about, but I haven't, obviously. i miss you terribly. somehow I will find a way to be your neighbor again. :( well, I'm going to go eat some more green olives. lol.

Erin said...

Whoa! I wasn't expecting this post from you! Your preacher would feel so honored if he knew that he touched you like this! Glad to hear you feel so refreshed! I love our friendship too! I also loved Bree's post the other day. She is such a doll. And of course we know I love our little Claire (not anymore) and sweet Owen! Talk to you soon.

Jessica said...

Don't make me cry!

I was there for you yesterday, I'm here for you today and I will be with you forever.

Bucket Filler Jessica

cessc said...

I came to your site awhile ago via Tara's site. I am married but do not have children yet. I will remember this post when we do begin our family and give myself permission not to be superwoman but the best me I can be. I think we as women have the tendancy to forget who we are if we let ourselves and God does not want that...not only does He not want that, He wants us to remember HIM during those times. Thanks for being so open!

Lisa said...

This is my favorite post yet! I love that you aren't afraid to say you are not perfect! No one is and I agree with everything you said 100%. I will also pray for you and your new journey. I had a similar experience not too long ago and I can't tell you how refreshed I feel. I hope the very same and best for you.
I love Bree's post by the way! I could just eat those sweet rolls up to pieces!