Some days, I just want to throw a fit. Like get in the floor, or stomp my feet and scream like Bree does when I will not let her have my "Ipide" to watch Jessie again. Just as B does not need to watch Jessie or is a very privileged child that is able to even watch her favorite shows on an iPad, I have NOTHING to complain about and need a gut check every once in awhile.
So ridic, but true. I am just a human trying to be a good Christian, wife and mama to three little impressionable kiddos. I am going to have moments and I need them. I know the Lord knows I need them too, but He always uses them to help me realize how I have nothing to worry about and all things are for the best...even if I canNOT see it that way at the time.
A couple weeks ago, Claire had her dance party when they would announce the Big Sis/Lil Sis relationships for the year; one of Claire's most favorite moments. It was a Friday early evening and I took off a little early so I could get home in time to get Claire and Bree ready, wrap the Big Sis gift and get there on time. Well, I misread the invite and we were an hour late. Claire missed her announcement of her big sis and we walked in to the party winding down. Claire had to search for her big sis. I was so pissed at myself and wanted to throw a fit for Claire because I felt so bad I did it to her (does that even make sense?). Claire was really good about the whole situation even with me acting like a complete brat about it and I found myself in the worst mood. When we left, I apologized to Claire and she told me "It is okay mama, I still had fun and sometime we will just miss things.". Such a smart girl. Then, right then, I remembered how I was all over Shane that very morning because he was going to have to miss taking the kids to Dads and Donuts at school because he forgot to put it on his calendar and had a meeting scheduled. He could not change the fact that he forgot, never mind the fact that he had to attend the meeting. But that morning, I threw a fit and was pissed. The kids were sad, but I took them to get donuts and all was well. I was mad at Shane all day...so the Lord took that moment that night to show me that I am not perfect and these things happen and you cannot change them. I apologized to Shane and learned my lesson.
All last week, I kept reminding Shane to plan a date night. I know this is not his forte or his comfort zone. I am the planner of the relationship and I usually take care of getting a sitter, planning what we are doing, etc. BUT, I was hell bent that he would do it this time and was starting to get aggravated when it was Thursday evening and he still had not called to get a sitter. He did get one Friday morning and we were set. I got a call Friday that Owen was sick at school with a fever. After bringing him home, seeing that he was bad sick and being up all night Friday night, date night was cancelled. Once again, I wanted to throw a fit because Shane did all this and now Owen is sick. I was pissed at myself for being mad too. But you know what hit me? I was so hard on Shane to get it planned, he could not have been as excited as I was. Here I was forcing him to plan it and as much as we needed a night out, this was not the way it should be. That night, we stayed home, ate chili and Owen got better. It was a great night with family and it felt good to relax. The Lord knew it is what we really needed. One more lesson learned.
Today, while in a meeting, I see the dreaded caller ID pop up, "Shiloh School Nurse". I wanted to fall out of my chair. I answered and sure enough, Claire is sick. I literally got tears in my eyes for her. Tomorrow is the big 3rd Grade program and she has a singing and speaking part. We have been practicing for weeks and she was so excited about it! It is a grandparent's day program and we submitted pictures for the slideshow of Claire with both sets of grandparents and they were all coming. I knew that since she threw up, she would not be able to be in the program tomorrow even if she felt better due to the 24 hour sick rule. So not only is my baby girl bad sick, she has to miss the biggest event of the third grade year. I am so sad and just want to take it away from her, but I have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason for this and all will be well. Today instead of a fit, I am praying for the Lord to show me the good in this and heal her fast. Maybe I needed the other lessons for this moment? I KNOW that I need these moments to remind me how healthy my kids are and that some parents would give anything to have a healthy kid miss a program than an unhealthy kid that can't leave a hospital. Gut check.
I know I am being dramatic today. I know that I am fortunate and have so much in my life that is great. But sometimes we need to write these things to remind ourselves of that. I am human and everything is not always perfect...but these moments just makes us better...more lessons.