Thursday, February 2, 2012

Marks of Motherhood

Happy almost the weekend :)!

So. I turned 31 this week.  Last year when I turned 30, it did not affect me. 30 was empowering.  30 was fun.  30 was MATURE.

31 is for the birds.  It is not exciting.  It is not empowering.  It is boring and old.  Bear with me, whilst rolling eyes, but y'all cannot expect anything less from dramatic me:).

I have always felt like I was still really young.  I started working early in my industry.  For goodness sake, I could not even drink when I started 13 years ago, much less rent a car. Now new girls (and boys) are coming in behind me, that are younger. GASP! Younger!  I am not the younger team member anymore. I am the mother of three with a mortgage, large SUV, three dogs, piles of laundry, and a gazillion pics of kids on desk.  As much as these things (well some of them :)) make me happier than I could ever imagine, it hit me this week, all at once. 

The thing is, I am very content and happy with my life, but I felt like maybe I have lost some of me in the last few years.  I looked in my little, cute mirror on my desk I use to check my hair periodically, and noticed a tired looking, older Rachel.

So, I had a mini crisis Monday.  I had a great birthday that included flowers, balloons, gift cards for breakfast and lunch, dinner, cupcakes, time spent with family and friends, etc.  I had this sudden urge though, for a re-vamping, if you will.  I needed some changes. I needed to feel like the old me. I noticed that with losing weight in my face, I am seeing more lines and my eyes look REALLY tired.

Doesn't it piss y'all off when some one asks if you are tired or tells you that you look tired??? No sh*t Sherlock!  I have not had a full night's sleep in over 8 years!! I share a bed with a 2 year old, a potty-training puppy, and a snoring husband!  When I am not running from work to dance, to church to the grocery store, there is no time for sleep.  What is your excuse for being rude?


So, I took off work a little early, high tailed it to Sephora and placed my 31 year old self in one of their chairs. I told the sweet lady to make my face over! I wanted to look awake and look like I have been on vacation.  Side note: my make up routine had become comical prior to this point. I needed some help!  She found me all new make-up, skin care etc and I bought it all.  It was stupid expensive, but I didn't care.  My face looked awake and I felt like a new woman.  Ask me how I feel when Shane gets home from traveling this week and checks our account :).

Tuesday, I went and had my nails done.  I had been nail-less for a month because I did not have time to get them done. Yesterday I took a long lunch and had my hair cut and colored.  I do feel so much better and back to myself. I have received many sweet compliments that made me blush, even Shane liked my hair :).  Post hair appt yesterday:

But you know what?

The first day I used my new make up (that should have been vlogged for every one's viewing pleasure!  I was so lost in figuring it out, I noticed Bree was even furrowing her brows watching me do it, with the look of "you are doing that wrong mama" :)), I went to a meeting and a nice man asked me if I was tired.  I almost pummeled him, but instead I just laughed and told him I was.

The Lord totally threw that at me.  I needed to get my mind off all these ridiculous, yet important to me at the time, things and see all my blessings I have at 31 years old.  I was so wrapped up in these silly things that I was failing to see how more blessed I was to have now what I didn't have 10 years ago.  These bags and circles under my eyes are marks of feeding babies in the middle of the night, getting up early for school and work when I stayed up too late working so I could go to school programs and dance rehearsals, staying up late so I could spend time with Shane, and making three kids feel secure at 2am when a storm is rolling in.  The lines are smile lines for the countless hours/ days of smiling and laughing at my crew.  These are marks of motherhood.  Marks of happiness.

Yes, I will wear all the make up I bought and wash my face regularly, wear the moisturizers, keep my nails done, and not miss another hair appt.  But, I am praying that I remember that the Lord made me beautiful in his eyes and I don't need these things for my self worth.  I have all I need in Him.  He made me look the way I am.  He blessed me with a husband, children, family, friends and even dark under eye circles, and wrinkles. 

Love your marks of motherhood...marks of happiness.


Ashley E. said...

I LOVE this post. You are beautiful and such a great momma example!!!

Linds said...

you have no idea how much I needed to read this.

Taylor said...

I'm with Lindsey, I needed this today. You rock, Mama!

Anonymous said...

Most of your post when your being real and telling it like it truly is comes right on time! I needed this post, continue being YOU!

Jules said...

You are beautiful! And a mommy inspiration (at least you're one of mine!) and make 31 look good. don't you ever doubt it, girl! But it does feel nice to give yourself a little extra attention sometimes, doesn't it? keep treating yourself, but only because you WANT to, not because you NEED any of it ;)

Brandi said...

I just love this post!!!I turned 36 two weeks ago and I have been whining to my hubs that I don't look young anymore. U r right, we are so blessed to have 3 healthy kids that make us old. I think u are beautiful!!!!! Happy belated birthday!!!! Also, I am going back to work full time...I might be coming to you for advice soon!!!!

. said...

You and your writing style are both beautiful!! Cheers to you!

MySweetCreations said...

I am turning 30 this year and recently started to notice that my skin looks tired and I look more tired. I recently took up running now that my daughter started elementary school. I can relate on several levels with you! This past year thanks for Pinterest and all of those sites I am trying to become more stylish (which you clearly already are!).

Nessa said...

Love this, great post!!!

G. said...

I subscribe to your blog in a reader and often don't click over to comment but, I wanted to comment on this one. I SO know how you feel. I'm going to be turning 34 soon and It seems like just yesterday I turned 30! There is this one sweet woman I know that would always tell me that I looked tired and would ask me if I looked tired and after awhile it got old. By nature, I am not very assertive but, I got up my courage and finally told her it hurt my feelings. She felt bad and apologized and she hasn't said it since. :) Thanks for the encouragement that even though makeup and hair cuts and nails are helpful sometimes, that it's not the most important thing! :)