Marks of Motherhood

Happy almost the weekend :)!

So. I turned 31 this week.  Last year when I turned 30, it did not affect me. 30 was empowering.  30 was fun.  30 was MATURE.

31 is for the birds.  It is not exciting.  It is not empowering.  It is boring and old.  Bear with me, whilst rolling eyes, but y'all cannot expect anything less from dramatic me:).

I have always felt like I was still really young.  I started working early in my industry.  For goodness sake, I could not even drink when I started 13 years ago, much less rent a car. Now new girls (and boys) are coming in behind me, that are younger. GASP! Younger!  I am not the younger team member anymore. I am the mother of three with a mortgage, large SUV, three dogs, piles of laundry, and a gazillion pics of kids on desk.  As much as these things (well some of them :)) make me happier than I could ever imagine, it hit me this week, all at once. 

The thing is, I am very content and happy with my life, but I felt like maybe I have lost some of me in the last few years.  I looked in my little, cute mirror on my desk I use to check my hair periodically, and noticed a tired looking, older Rachel.

So, I had a mini crisis Monday.  I had a great birthday that included flowers, balloons, gift cards for breakfast and lunch, dinner, cupcakes, time spent with family and friends, etc.  I had this sudden urge though, for a re-vamping, if you will.  I needed some changes. I needed to feel like the old me. I noticed that with losing weight in my face, I am seeing more lines and my eyes look REALLY tired.

Doesn't it piss y'all off when some one asks if you are tired or tells you that you look tired??? No sh*t Sherlock!  I have not had a full night's sleep in over 8 years!! I share a bed with a 2 year old, a potty-training puppy, and a snoring husband!  When I am not running from work to dance, to church to the grocery store, there is no time for sleep.  What is your excuse for being rude?

AHEM.

So, I took off work a little early, high tailed it to Sephora and placed my 31 year old self in one of their chairs. I told the sweet lady to make my face over! I wanted to look awake and look like I have been on vacation.  Side note: my make up routine had become comical prior to this point. I needed some help!  She found me all new make-up, skin care etc and I bought it all.  It was stupid expensive, but I didn't care.  My face looked awake and I felt like a new woman.  Ask me how I feel when Shane gets home from traveling this week and checks our account :).

Tuesday, I went and had my nails done.  I had been nail-less for a month because I did not have time to get them done. Yesterday I took a long lunch and had my hair cut and colored.  I do feel so much better and back to myself. I have received many sweet compliments that made me blush, even Shane liked my hair :).  Post hair appt yesterday:

But you know what?

The first day I used my new make up (that should have been vlogged for every one's viewing pleasure!  I was so lost in figuring it out, I noticed Bree was even furrowing her brows watching me do it, with the look of "you are doing that wrong mama" :)), I went to a meeting and a nice man asked me if I was tired.  I almost pummeled him, but instead I just laughed and told him I was.

The Lord totally threw that at me.  I needed to get my mind off all these ridiculous, yet important to me at the time, things and see all my blessings I have at 31 years old.  I was so wrapped up in these silly things that I was failing to see how more blessed I was to have now what I didn't have 10 years ago.  These bags and circles under my eyes are marks of feeding babies in the middle of the night, getting up early for school and work when I stayed up too late working so I could go to school programs and dance rehearsals, staying up late so I could spend time with Shane, and making three kids feel secure at 2am when a storm is rolling in.  The lines are smile lines for the countless hours/ days of smiling and laughing at my crew.  These are marks of motherhood.  Marks of happiness.

Yes, I will wear all the make up I bought and wash my face regularly, wear the moisturizers, keep my nails done, and not miss another hair appt.  But, I am praying that I remember that the Lord made me beautiful in his eyes and I don't need these things for my self worth.  I have all I need in Him.  He made me look the way I am.  He blessed me with a husband, children, family, friends and even dark under eye circles, and wrinkles. 

Love your marks of motherhood...marks of happiness.